MENGGIGIL

Alarm iPhone menyentak deria pendengaran, aku terjaga. Alhamdulillah masih sempat utk subuh, dan lebih bersyukur, aku masih lg mampu menarik dan menghembus nafas. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah..

Stop. Rewind..

Aku tersentak terjaga. Bulatan angka di dinding tepat mengarah 2.00 pagi, cepat 5 minit dari waktu dunia sebenar.

Aku urut2 betis kanan dan kiri, kejang. Aku tahu simptom ni, ia tak ganjil dan aku sudah kenal ia. Sudah lama ia tidak datang menjenguk. Hampir setahun mungkin. Apa khabarmu 'Low-blood sugar' ?

Aku tak dapat tahan lagi. Aku capai kettle, isi air, panaskan. Sambil ku rampas 2 bungkus maggi kari, ku tunggu air mendidih. Aku mesti tingkatkan paras gula utk stabil. Tangan aku menggigil. Aku baring, masih menggigil. Inilah akibatnya menyuntik pada kadar biasa tapi tidak menyalur kuantiti gula pada tahap biasa. Aku cuma menyantap roti canai sekeping bercombo air kosong waktu dinner tadi. Kurang selera.

Ku bancuh maggi tadi, tunggu ia kembang. Oh tak, tak dapat tahan. Maggi hanya direndam selama 4 minit sahaja dan tak cukup kembang. Jika lama lagi, mugkin aku akan pitam, atau mati tidak mustahil.

Selesai melahap, aku terbaring. Berat nak lakukan apa2. Sebentar sahaja mata aku terkatup. Aku kembali tertidur. Berharap mati datang menjenguk lambat lagi. Aku belum bersedia.

Fast forward..

Aku di Kajang. Jam 10:25 pagi. Ada appointment dgn doktor pagi ni. Dalam masa menunggu giliran tiba, aku bermuhasabah tragedi yg menimpa aku awal pagi td.

Aku bermonolog. " Kenapa aku belum bersedia menemui mati? "

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Aku flashback jalanan masaku ke setahun yg lalu. Seorang pengamal perubatan tradisional mengubati aku, firasatnya mengatakan sakitku ini buatan orang, pendengki. Namun hanya 10% kepercayaan aku letakkan padanya.

Dia bertanya, " Bile ade kematian, pernah tak rasa mcm kamu adalah org seterusnya? "

Pantas sekali aku mnjawab " Pernah. Selalu ". Dia menyambung " Hmm biasala tu, kalau org 'dibuat' mmg selalu rasa mcm tu "

Jawapan yg terpacul dr mulutnya menjadikan kepercayaan aku padanya merudum ke 0.001%. Mengapa? Sebab aku tahu dia belum cukup arif tentang hidup dan mati itu kuasa Tuhan.

Tidakkah kita semua perlu sentiasa bersedia utk mati setiap detik? Kenapa 'org tertentu/sakit/buatan org' shj berfikir akan mati dlm masa terdekat? Org sihat susah nak mati? Adakah malaikat hantaran Tuhan lebih sukar mencabut nyawa si sihat walafiat berbanding yg terlantar kesakitan meminta nyawa? Tepuk dada, kita tahu skema jawapannya.

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Baruku sedari mengapa aku belum bersedia utk mati awal pg tadi. Aku tidak bangkit utk bertahajud dan bertaubat padaNya. Mungkin jika aku tunaikan keduanya, hati ku lebih bersedia. Mungkin. Astaghfirullah..

Yg baik jadikan panduan, yg buruk jgn buang, letak ditepi agar dpt dijadikan sempadan. Moga bermanfaat utk semua.

Mari bersama persiapkan diri. Suatu saat nanti, Mati itu pasti. 

SAMPAH

Ku impikan bulan

Jatuh disebalik bintang

Ku mimpikan indah

Jatuh disebalik bahagia

Kadang ku berjalan

Kadang ku berlari

Meniti titi yang tak pasti

Akan hadirnya suatu hari nanti

Tapi aku ini

Kerdil dan mengerti

Ketabahan yang diuji

Oleh yang maha mengerti

Refleksi diri mencermin peribadi

Tatkala geluduk disusuli guruh yang merusuh

Ku melihat kau

Di mata hati terukir risau

Setajam mata pisau

Sepadu darah berderau

Ku idamkan rahmat Engkau.

Nasz, Takut & Berharap

31 Mei 12 - Putrajaya

Kalau hantar sampah ni kat Yuna or Diandra Arjunaidi, dorang sudi tak nak nyanyikan? -__-

ABORIGINAL

I was assigned to prepare a caselet (simpler and shorter than a booklet) for my activity during the 2nd Quarterly Development Program (QDP) held by RSOG couple of months ago. It's about the aboriginal kids. 

...............

'LITTLE KID, HUGE DREAMS'

As the clouds show its darkness side, I could feel it’s going to be pouring in a couple of minutes. But we’ll never terminate the plan; instead it’s going to be a hard and challenging day.

We met the students of SK Sungai Melut (A), Dengkil. They are known as aboriginal kids, even though they are encircled in the middle of municipal areas like Putrajaya, Cyberjaya and Nilai. The truth is, they are like living in a jungle; far away from the development. Ok, stop with the theory. Let’s get into the real-life situation.

Since I got the veto power as a group leader, I chose Group 2. Even with diverse appearances, styles and characters, I’ll never practice double-standard. They are all still human who need to be treated equivalently like other uptown boys and girls.

Ice-breaking session runs smoothly. They seem to be in an afraid-to-speak-up-with-stranger mode. Out of 9 of them, my attention has been distracted to a girl. I couldn't describe why, at first, but my instinct says that she was insightfully attractive.

The first exercise is called “All about me”. We gave them a bunch of M&Ms. Each color has its own description. For instance, yellow indicates “Family”, Chocolate represents “School” and green means “Yourself”. They have to tell the rest based on the colors of M&Ms in their hand.  I waited for about 15 minutes for the chosen girl’s turn to speak up.

Her name is Asmesa (real name though), physically a typical aboriginal kid. Unparallel to her appearance, her style was gorgeous. She was the only kid who chose to stand up  while explaining about herself. Yes, I apparently like her, as if she was around my age, I’d love to fall in love with her. Geeezz, I was dreaming.

I was putting my attention to her. Smiling is the only thing that I thought she was expert at. I love to see her eye-catching grin. Sometimes she was whispering to her friend next to her, and then she would chuckle a little bit. Seeing her quiet laughter, at a second I thought she was young Amy Adams.

The next session is called “What would I be in the future”. A fireman, a soldier and a cleaner are the top list of careers that most of them see themselves in the future. They love to be like their father, mother, sister and people around them.

All of a sudden….

“Hi guys. I’m an 11-year-old girl. Since I was 8, I wanted to be a cleaner at KLIA. But since a year ago, stewardess has become my final career choice because I love to entertain people with my gorgeous smile.”

With a classy style, everyone was awestruck, including me who was  flabbergasting for 5 seconds. She has an astounding but never-impossible dream.

During a take-five break, I got a powerful tendency to approach her.

Me: Hi Asmesa. How do you do?

Her: Hi!

(With a beautiful smile on her face, she was amazing.)

Me: Hmmm..Why stewardess?

Her: Well, you know. My smile’s gorgeous.

Me: Hmm ok, it sure is. Heh He

Her: I like fashion. Plus, I always wanted to travel to many places around the world. I wanted to see the magnificent Niagara Falls, to have fun in Universal Studio Florida, to experience the hectic city of Tokyo and many more.

Me: Oh, wow! Where did you get those info from?

Her: Well, we’ve got a television and internet at home. Everything’s connected. In fact, I got a friend from India in my Facebook friend’s list. That’s cool, isn’t it? (Continue smiling.)

Wow. She was incredibly outstanding. Now I know why she is super adorable. I bet I know nothing about the world when I was her age. I wouldn't even know what Niagara Falls is! I couldn't believe a little kid has a very clear view of what she wanted to achieve in her life, even though she’s been living in a far-away-from-growth place. Isn't that awesome?

Again, I don’t want to double-standard any of them, so I pray to God for their wishes to come true one day.

...........................

HANAMICHI

I love drawing. Since the day I got into the kindergarten, the subject that I like the most is drawing. But there's a little problem about my drawing skill, which is, I don't have the talent. Sigh..

You know that I've been admiring people with this kind of talent so much. I got a friend of mine who's able to draw a Hanamichi Sakuragi's photo in a very short time, but it really as akin as Hanamichi Sakuragi (?). I asked him to teach me how to draw like he did, I took about half an hour but only managed to finish drawing the head. How suck am I at drawing?

I called a person who can draw as an artist. I can see some innate style in them. An artist always have the very good imagination in mind which they can translate it into a piece of paper by using only a pencil. Later, the whitey-empty paper becomes an attraction to impress people around. Or some even got a value of thousand bucks.

If you are a sketch artist, you can just sit around in a flowery and grassy garden, sketching some stuff you've seen or even draw some beautiful chicks you saw. Later on, you coolly hand in the sketch you did to her with your phone number on it. Isn't a fabulous way of getting a girl? Nope, it's not. Okay, I'm jealous.

One thing I love being an artist (I hope so) is that you are never alone. You can draw anything or anyone you want. You can create some imaginary friends. Build a new comic. Fabricate characters, give some powers to them, put in colors and finally you can have your own squad of Power Rangers or The Avengers. Oh, cool!

I love arts. And artists too. Even though I can't draw, I'm still thankful that I can hit the volleyball. 

Tak sabar nak main volley Ahad ni bersama Semalu VC :)

CHANGE

What does it take to make a change? A change for good, for sure.

Simply said, Change is a simple term but it actually brings along a big gist behind it. It contains of truckloads of risk, discomfort, uncertainty, challenge, predicament..so on and so forth. When you say you want to change the world of yours, you are basically giving up what’s called safe and comfort. It’s like going out for rock-climbing (Looking for some troubles) and leaving relaxing-on-a-couch session behind on a great Sunday morning.

Making a change doesn’t mean that ‘’you don’t know how lovely you are’’ based on the scientist by Coldplay. It’s just another step to creating a better man for yourself, preparing your body and soul to face unknown challenges ahead. Even though nobody’s perfect, we need to be better. We just don’t want to always sit back and relax, watching movies while having cheeseburgers on the hand without knowing how to burn the calories that have been consumed.

In fact, people view change differently. I don’t care what your say on this is, since this is my blog space, I’ll type my own point. You go and create a new entry in your blog. Hehe

To make a change, for me, there’s a process you need to go through. I'd say it’s all about your way of thinking. As Einstein has said, “This world that we’ve created can’t be changed without changing our way of thinking”. See? I’m almost Einstein. LoL  

I’ve been trying to apply change for good for myself but not quite satisfied enough. I need to inject in more and more efforts, to sustain my active life and to mingle around with certain type of people.  For that, I’ve made a list (but not to be revealed here). I have missions and visions of my life. I break those missions and visions down into bite-sized pieces so that it would be very easy to be accomplished. This is the process. Step one, keep on reading.

So again, what does it take to make a change?

It’s DETERMINATION.