MENGGIGIL

Alarm iPhone menyentak deria pendengaran, aku terjaga. Alhamdulillah masih sempat utk subuh, dan lebih bersyukur, aku masih lg mampu menarik dan menghembus nafas. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah..

Stop. Rewind..

Aku tersentak terjaga. Bulatan angka di dinding tepat mengarah 2.00 pagi, cepat 5 minit dari waktu dunia sebenar.

Aku urut2 betis kanan dan kiri, kejang. Aku tahu simptom ni, ia tak ganjil dan aku sudah kenal ia. Sudah lama ia tidak datang menjenguk. Hampir setahun mungkin. Apa khabarmu 'Low-blood sugar' ?

Aku tak dapat tahan lagi. Aku capai kettle, isi air, panaskan. Sambil ku rampas 2 bungkus maggi kari, ku tunggu air mendidih. Aku mesti tingkatkan paras gula utk stabil. Tangan aku menggigil. Aku baring, masih menggigil. Inilah akibatnya menyuntik pada kadar biasa tapi tidak menyalur kuantiti gula pada tahap biasa. Aku cuma menyantap roti canai sekeping bercombo air kosong waktu dinner tadi. Kurang selera.

Ku bancuh maggi tadi, tunggu ia kembang. Oh tak, tak dapat tahan. Maggi hanya direndam selama 4 minit sahaja dan tak cukup kembang. Jika lama lagi, mugkin aku akan pitam, atau mati tidak mustahil.

Selesai melahap, aku terbaring. Berat nak lakukan apa2. Sebentar sahaja mata aku terkatup. Aku kembali tertidur. Berharap mati datang menjenguk lambat lagi. Aku belum bersedia.

Fast forward..

Aku di Kajang. Jam 10:25 pagi. Ada appointment dgn doktor pagi ni. Dalam masa menunggu giliran tiba, aku bermuhasabah tragedi yg menimpa aku awal pagi td.

Aku bermonolog. " Kenapa aku belum bersedia menemui mati? "

--------------------

Aku flashback jalanan masaku ke setahun yg lalu. Seorang pengamal perubatan tradisional mengubati aku, firasatnya mengatakan sakitku ini buatan orang, pendengki. Namun hanya 10% kepercayaan aku letakkan padanya.

Dia bertanya, " Bile ade kematian, pernah tak rasa mcm kamu adalah org seterusnya? "

Pantas sekali aku mnjawab " Pernah. Selalu ". Dia menyambung " Hmm biasala tu, kalau org 'dibuat' mmg selalu rasa mcm tu "

Jawapan yg terpacul dr mulutnya menjadikan kepercayaan aku padanya merudum ke 0.001%. Mengapa? Sebab aku tahu dia belum cukup arif tentang hidup dan mati itu kuasa Tuhan.

Tidakkah kita semua perlu sentiasa bersedia utk mati setiap detik? Kenapa 'org tertentu/sakit/buatan org' shj berfikir akan mati dlm masa terdekat? Org sihat susah nak mati? Adakah malaikat hantaran Tuhan lebih sukar mencabut nyawa si sihat walafiat berbanding yg terlantar kesakitan meminta nyawa? Tepuk dada, kita tahu skema jawapannya.

------------------------

Baruku sedari mengapa aku belum bersedia utk mati awal pg tadi. Aku tidak bangkit utk bertahajud dan bertaubat padaNya. Mungkin jika aku tunaikan keduanya, hati ku lebih bersedia. Mungkin. Astaghfirullah..

Yg baik jadikan panduan, yg buruk jgn buang, letak ditepi agar dpt dijadikan sempadan. Moga bermanfaat utk semua.

Mari bersama persiapkan diri. Suatu saat nanti, Mati itu pasti. 

SAMPAH

Ku impikan bulan

Jatuh disebalik bintang

Ku mimpikan indah

Jatuh disebalik bahagia

Kadang ku berjalan

Kadang ku berlari

Meniti titi yang tak pasti

Akan hadirnya suatu hari nanti

Tapi aku ini

Kerdil dan mengerti

Ketabahan yang diuji

Oleh yang maha mengerti

Refleksi diri mencermin peribadi

Tatkala geluduk disusuli guruh yang merusuh

Ku melihat kau

Di mata hati terukir risau

Setajam mata pisau

Sepadu darah berderau

Ku idamkan rahmat Engkau.

Nasz, Takut & Berharap

31 Mei 12 - Putrajaya

Kalau hantar sampah ni kat Yuna or Diandra Arjunaidi, dorang sudi tak nak nyanyikan? -__-

ABORIGINAL

I was assigned to prepare a caselet (simpler and shorter than a booklet) for my activity during the 2nd Quarterly Development Program (QDP) held by RSOG couple of months ago. It's about the aboriginal kids. 

...............

'LITTLE KID, HUGE DREAMS'

As the clouds show its darkness side, I could feel it’s going to be pouring in a couple of minutes. But we’ll never terminate the plan; instead it’s going to be a hard and challenging day.

We met the students of SK Sungai Melut (A), Dengkil. They are known as aboriginal kids, even though they are encircled in the middle of municipal areas like Putrajaya, Cyberjaya and Nilai. The truth is, they are like living in a jungle; far away from the development. Ok, stop with the theory. Let’s get into the real-life situation.

Since I got the veto power as a group leader, I chose Group 2. Even with diverse appearances, styles and characters, I’ll never practice double-standard. They are all still human who need to be treated equivalently like other uptown boys and girls.

Ice-breaking session runs smoothly. They seem to be in an afraid-to-speak-up-with-stranger mode. Out of 9 of them, my attention has been distracted to a girl. I couldn't describe why, at first, but my instinct says that she was insightfully attractive.

The first exercise is called “All about me”. We gave them a bunch of M&Ms. Each color has its own description. For instance, yellow indicates “Family”, Chocolate represents “School” and green means “Yourself”. They have to tell the rest based on the colors of M&Ms in their hand.  I waited for about 15 minutes for the chosen girl’s turn to speak up.

Her name is Asmesa (real name though), physically a typical aboriginal kid. Unparallel to her appearance, her style was gorgeous. She was the only kid who chose to stand up  while explaining about herself. Yes, I apparently like her, as if she was around my age, I’d love to fall in love with her. Geeezz, I was dreaming.

I was putting my attention to her. Smiling is the only thing that I thought she was expert at. I love to see her eye-catching grin. Sometimes she was whispering to her friend next to her, and then she would chuckle a little bit. Seeing her quiet laughter, at a second I thought she was young Amy Adams.

The next session is called “What would I be in the future”. A fireman, a soldier and a cleaner are the top list of careers that most of them see themselves in the future. They love to be like their father, mother, sister and people around them.

All of a sudden….

“Hi guys. I’m an 11-year-old girl. Since I was 8, I wanted to be a cleaner at KLIA. But since a year ago, stewardess has become my final career choice because I love to entertain people with my gorgeous smile.”

With a classy style, everyone was awestruck, including me who was  flabbergasting for 5 seconds. She has an astounding but never-impossible dream.

During a take-five break, I got a powerful tendency to approach her.

Me: Hi Asmesa. How do you do?

Her: Hi!

(With a beautiful smile on her face, she was amazing.)

Me: Hmmm..Why stewardess?

Her: Well, you know. My smile’s gorgeous.

Me: Hmm ok, it sure is. Heh He

Her: I like fashion. Plus, I always wanted to travel to many places around the world. I wanted to see the magnificent Niagara Falls, to have fun in Universal Studio Florida, to experience the hectic city of Tokyo and many more.

Me: Oh, wow! Where did you get those info from?

Her: Well, we’ve got a television and internet at home. Everything’s connected. In fact, I got a friend from India in my Facebook friend’s list. That’s cool, isn’t it? (Continue smiling.)

Wow. She was incredibly outstanding. Now I know why she is super adorable. I bet I know nothing about the world when I was her age. I wouldn't even know what Niagara Falls is! I couldn't believe a little kid has a very clear view of what she wanted to achieve in her life, even though she’s been living in a far-away-from-growth place. Isn't that awesome?

Again, I don’t want to double-standard any of them, so I pray to God for their wishes to come true one day.

...........................

HANAMICHI

I love drawing. Since the day I got into the kindergarten, the subject that I like the most is drawing. But there's a little problem about my drawing skill, which is, I don't have the talent. Sigh..

You know that I've been admiring people with this kind of talent so much. I got a friend of mine who's able to draw a Hanamichi Sakuragi's photo in a very short time, but it really as akin as Hanamichi Sakuragi (?). I asked him to teach me how to draw like he did, I took about half an hour but only managed to finish drawing the head. How suck am I at drawing?

I called a person who can draw as an artist. I can see some innate style in them. An artist always have the very good imagination in mind which they can translate it into a piece of paper by using only a pencil. Later, the whitey-empty paper becomes an attraction to impress people around. Or some even got a value of thousand bucks.

If you are a sketch artist, you can just sit around in a flowery and grassy garden, sketching some stuff you've seen or even draw some beautiful chicks you saw. Later on, you coolly hand in the sketch you did to her with your phone number on it. Isn't a fabulous way of getting a girl? Nope, it's not. Okay, I'm jealous.

One thing I love being an artist (I hope so) is that you are never alone. You can draw anything or anyone you want. You can create some imaginary friends. Build a new comic. Fabricate characters, give some powers to them, put in colors and finally you can have your own squad of Power Rangers or The Avengers. Oh, cool!

I love arts. And artists too. Even though I can't draw, I'm still thankful that I can hit the volleyball. 

Tak sabar nak main volley Ahad ni bersama Semalu VC :)

CHANGE

What does it take to make a change? A change for good, for sure.

Simply said, Change is a simple term but it actually brings along a big gist behind it. It contains of truckloads of risk, discomfort, uncertainty, challenge, predicament..so on and so forth. When you say you want to change the world of yours, you are basically giving up what’s called safe and comfort. It’s like going out for rock-climbing (Looking for some troubles) and leaving relaxing-on-a-couch session behind on a great Sunday morning.

Making a change doesn’t mean that ‘’you don’t know how lovely you are’’ based on the scientist by Coldplay. It’s just another step to creating a better man for yourself, preparing your body and soul to face unknown challenges ahead. Even though nobody’s perfect, we need to be better. We just don’t want to always sit back and relax, watching movies while having cheeseburgers on the hand without knowing how to burn the calories that have been consumed.

In fact, people view change differently. I don’t care what your say on this is, since this is my blog space, I’ll type my own point. You go and create a new entry in your blog. Hehe

To make a change, for me, there’s a process you need to go through. I'd say it’s all about your way of thinking. As Einstein has said, “This world that we’ve created can’t be changed without changing our way of thinking”. See? I’m almost Einstein. LoL  

I’ve been trying to apply change for good for myself but not quite satisfied enough. I need to inject in more and more efforts, to sustain my active life and to mingle around with certain type of people.  For that, I’ve made a list (but not to be revealed here). I have missions and visions of my life. I break those missions and visions down into bite-sized pieces so that it would be very easy to be accomplished. This is the process. Step one, keep on reading.

So again, what does it take to make a change?

It’s DETERMINATION.

HAPPINESS

I went to see my doctor last week and she said my progress wasn't so good and the fact that I need to increase the unit of injections made me feel soo..uuurghh I'm gonna die soon. I've been very sluggish these days..

Yeah, have you ever felt like that? I mean, you are gonna die very soon, like maybe seconds afterwards. Many times I could feel the emotion of reaching the ending of my life. Man..this is so wrong.

Islam teaches us to be ready and be prepared to face the death. It may come in anytime, no one knows. And when it comes, no one could possibly expand the due time, or even request to have a peaceful death moment. Reading books, watching tv, driving, taking shower, on the bed, accidents. Death may come without any notification. 

While looking at the mirror, I could see myself in sorry mood. I'd like to say '' Sorry man, I always wanted to make you better but..'' haih there's always 'but' in my words..too many excuses, too little efforts.

Happiness in not something that you are looking for. It's there in your life. Chill out and live with it. Color your life with happiness.

UNDERWEARLESS

Since my boss isn't around, I flashback my memory.

Do you know anyone of your primary schoolmate who didn't wear underwear just because he was so lazy to put it on and just go to school underwearless? Well, if you know that person, you might be my schoolmate since almost 14 years back then. Yes, I'm that simple-yet-stylo-without-spender one.

You know that for many years I've gone to school as a student, I've never considered an underwear as one of the vital 'protection' for myself. Since it is placed inside the pants, so why should I worry if someone asked me if I'm wearing any. I can just simply answered yes, right..?

Until that one day came, I was standing in front of the class waiting for my friend to go to have lunch. He was still busy finishing up his homework (Not that I had done mine, I just too lazy to finish them up since I was so hungry).

He stood up, coming to me. He then slapped my butt (Yes, he did it real hard) and everyone in the class heard  the 'Paapp!' sound. They looked at me sharply. Just like I was cracking a joke in Maharaja Lawak. You know what was the worst part of it? My teacher was just standing next to me. Then I got the superb-easy but superb-hardest question to be answered. She asked:

" Tak pakai spender ke? "

* Please insert a Poker-face meme here *

Sometimes there's a thing that is better to be left unsaid. But, not for me.

" Tak. " I answered solidly.
I couldn't believe that I was so confident at that time. What should you lie if by saying the truth, there'll be no bad consequences affect you. In fact, the tragedy has greatest impact on me. They could claim me as inappropriate by not putting on an underwear, but who cares? It's my identity! My confidence level elevates! Lol

That was the true story of me as underwear-less student. Be yourself, reveal your potential identity. Hahah !

p/s: I started wearing underwear the next academic year. Good job..right?

PESAWAT

Brand new Indie Raya song has been added to my Raya songs list.

Dear Youtube, you need to provide a 'Replay' button!


PESAWAT - Menjelang Syawal

YAUMUNNAKBAH

Even though I’m not one of the people who had turned their profile picture in FB to something ‘brownish’ (If you know what I mean), I’m among the ones who pinned ‘We are in solidarity with the Palestinians’ in my heart.

Many (mostly historian and people who love history) know that it was in 1948 when the 'Persekutuan Tanah Melayu' was formed, but anyone knows what happened in the same year, specifically about 4 months after that covenant, to our Muslim brothers and sisters at the side of the world? Me don't know too, FB friends told me about it, and so Google.

15 May 1948 marked the day, where the unjustified country namely the Israel declared that they owned 2/3 of the Palestinians holy land. How come such illegal immigrants like them could have such power in taking up other’s land freely? Hmm..Well, million thanks to British. They placed almost hundred thousand of people from the Europe and Russian to stay in Palestine. Their support to this Jewish group had made this seizure lasts until now.  It's been almost 64 years, and still counting. As a return, misery and suffering felt increasingly under this Zionist Jewish captivity.

Since we can remember the day of Mother’s day, Father’s, Independent Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and so on, there’s still space to put 13^th May into our memory as they called it as The Day Of Catastrophe. Please, hate the Zionist!

Brothers and sisters in Palestine, don’t you dare to give up and lose hope. I might not have given you enough gift or physical contribution, but you really have my prayers, always InsyaAllah. 

“Janganlah kamu merasa lemah dan janganlah bersedih, kerana sesungguhnya kamu adalah lebih tinggi martabat daripada mereka sekiranya kamu beriman.” (Surah Ali Imran: 139)

Bersama berjuang dalam satu barisan sehingga munculnya generasi Salahudin Al-Ayyubi ke-2.

15^th May,

Yaumun Nakbah = The Day of Catastrophe.

KEPALA

It was during the 2008 Thanksgiving break, where we've decided to go to Penn State Uni at Pennsylvania. There was a program conducted by MISG (Malaysian Islamic Student Group). Sebagai seorang freshmen yg pertama kali menjejak kaki di US, pengalaman travelling itu amatlah bermakna, dan aku memulakan edisi merentasi bumi Uncle Sam dgn menjadikan Penn State Uni sbg destinasi pertama.

Aku bersama yg lain (mostly budak2 mentah Purdue) lepak setempat. Segan nak duk ngn dak2 lain, yg kebanyakannya senior2 dan dak2 uni lain. Takpe, bukan assabiyah, cuma mengeratkan hubungan antara kami..(Erkk? Ok ini alasan.)

Biase la dalam program talk atau pengisian, mesti akan ada sesi soal jawab or takpun ade sesi perbincangan. Dalam kumpulan kami, masing2 malu2 kucing. Walaupun ade benda nak tanya, tetap tidak diluah. Tiba2 terjadi conversation ini:

X: Kita takyah la nak tanya excited2 sgt, lepak2 je..biar orang lain yang tanya or jawab..

Z: Apesal cmtu?

X: Yela, ni bukan tempat kita. Nanti nampak sangat kita ni nak buat kepala kat sini.

Y: Eh kita kena la tunjuk kepala sikit. Nanti dorang ingat kita takde kepala pulak.

_____________++++++_______________

Suasana sunyi. Macam ada bunyi2 angin kt gurun Sahara diiringi bunyi2 cengkerik.

Semua memandang Y. Muka dua posen. 

Ok, kita tanya. Set.

BIG 5

Having read an encouraging leadership book named "Big 5 for Life" by John P. Strelecky, this is what I gained. And seriously, I think he had influenced me in a certain way.

One of the parts he wrote is about graf kehidupan. Aku tak tahu nak describe in words, like exactly what he did, but aku try utk beri gambaran dalam bentuk lukisan comel (Ye, aku mmg hebat melukis) di bawah:

Apa yg cuba disampaikan adalah begini:

Memang benar hidup ni ada turun naik, pasang surut, timbul tenggelam. Seperti kata-kata popular, 'Hidup ibarat tayar, kadang-kadang di atas, kadang-kadang di bawah'. (Tapi kalau time hidup kita berada di bawah tu, tayar pancit cmne? Merana gak la kan stay kat bawah lama2. Tapi takpe, abaikan dulu persoalan kurang bernas aku ni.)

Prinsip yg ditekankan oleh John adalah, hidup perlu sentiasa ada peningkatan. Life must have improvement. Beliau menerima hakikat bahawa memang akan ada turun naik dlm graf kehidupan kita, tapi apa yg paling penting adalah ketika graf hidup kita turun, pada titik terbawah penurunan itu mestilah lebih tinggi dari titik terbawah sebelumnya. Kalau berdasarkan lakaran aku kat atas tu, titik B mestilah lebih tinggi dari titik A.

Somehow I found this concept was very logical and applicable to be implemented. 

+     ++     +++     ++++     +++++

Umat Islam harus cemerlang

Hari ini mesti lebih baik dari semalam..

* Aku rasa si John ni tulis buku ni berdasarkan lagu ni kot..

CENDANA

"Ok, jom " F mengajak setuju.

Kami bergerak ke ruang parkir motosikal. F tunggang, aku bonceng. Baru je nak jalan, aku tukar posisi bonceng. 

" Macam tak best la duduk cmni, aku duk camni la " ujar aku. 

Lantas aku tukar posisi bonceng.

" Ko biar betol ni, slumber je! " F tegas tiba-tiba.

" Ala bkn selalu. Takpe, takde pape nye. Ko bawak je. " Aku cube bertenang, setenang badak berendam dlm lumpur.

Keluar kawasan asrama Kolej Cendana Seksyen 6. Ke jalan utama, melintasi Balai Polis Seksyen 6. Tanpa disedari, ada mata-mata tajam yg memerhati.

" Hoii! Hoii! "

Gegendang telinga aku terdengar satu jeritan. Walaupun aku agak kondifen yg jeritan tu ditujukan khas kpd aku dan F, kitorg buat-buat tak tau. Yela, apa yg kitorg dah wat? Suke-suke hati je nak jerit-jerit kat orang. Huh!

Aku dan F terus ke destinasi kami, Cybercafe Z (Aku dah lupe ape nama cc tu). Park motor kat bawah, kunci break disc. Naik atas, nak sambung wat assignment yg memerlukan access kpd internet.

" Nak 2 PC kak, yg kat ujung tu. " pinta F kpd akak yg jaga CC tu.

" Hoi Mat, bak mai IC ko." Satu laungan suara yg aku tak pernah kenal gelombang frekuensinya, tapi pelik, dia tau nama aku. Aku toleh badan ke belakang.

Sambil dia keluarkan kad dari poket, dia bersuara, " Bagi IC ko. Ikut aku gi balai. "

F tercengang, aku bingung.

Aku ade perasan sesuatu pada kad yg dia tunjuk sebentar td. Lambang PDRM. Cis, busted la plak!

Dia tarik kitorg ke bawah. Turun tangga, bukak kunci motor. Dia mengarah tegas. "Buat macam td. Naik mcm yg korg dtg sini td." 

Saje je abg polis ni nak kenakan kitorg.

" Takyah la bang. Naik mcm bese jela. Ok, kitorg gi balai. " Aku jawab, terketar jugak la.

" Oo pandai nak naik mcm bese, td bukan main lg bawak konon mcm hero." Kitorg kena bahan.

Sesampai balai, kitorg disoal siasat. IC, lesen, sumenye diserah. 

" Ko ingat ni kampong ko ke nak tunjuk hero? Ko ingat ni Batang Berjuntai ke? "

Haih, kena bahan lagi..Aku tahan sabar, diam..

" Kau, bagi IC ngn lesen." Salah sorang pegawai polis yg berkumis agak tebal, tuding jari ke arah F.

" Erkk, tak bawak bang. Tertinggal kat bilik asrama. Ni bawak duit nak bayar kat CC je " F jawab cemas-cemas.

"Haa bagus laa. Naik motor, dua-dua tak pakai helmet, sorang pandang belakang mcm hero,  sorang plak tak bawak IC ngan lesen. Kalau aku nak saman korg, teruk korg kena tau tak?! "

Mengangguk senyap. Moment of silence. Kalau balai polis tu mahkamah, dan kitorg adalah yg dituduh bersalah, memang terang-terang kitorg kalah teruk. Takde lawyer yg sanggup defend kitorg agaknye. Dah takleh nak jawab ape, zip jela mulut..

Selang beberapa ketika, seorang pegawai hulur sehelai kertas tipis kpd aku. Aku belek-belek. Saman. Cis!

Kami dibenar pulang. 

                  --------     |     |     |     |     |   ----------

Setiba di asrama, dalam bilik F, kitorg tergelak. Hahaha dah takdir otak kitorg ni bengong, nak wat cmne kan. Benda mcm ni pon jadi lawak. Takde sikit rasa nyesal, bersalah apetah lg nak tuduh menuduh antara satu sama lain. Kena saman RM150 sebab tak pakai helmet. Nasib baik kesalahan membonceng secara songsang dan menunggang tanpa IC dan lesen tu dimaafkan oleh abang-abang polis. Berhasil jugak lakonan muka seposen kitorg kt balai tadi. Haha

This, will always be a memoir.

CMTKPD

Baru 2 hari aku memiliki buku ni, aku sudah membaca hampir 77% daripada keseluruhan cerita. In fact, aku tak boleh stop reading even the clock shows it was 1.30 am in the morning. Hmm..

One of Hlovate (Google this if you have no idea who she/he is)'s famous quotes:

"My books are my staple diet. As serious as insulin doses for those who are diabetics!"

Erkk. Aku rasa kalau die kenal aku, mesti die create quote ni utk bahan aku. Haha joke. Celah mane la die ni nak kenal pacal hina macam aku ni, not in a million years kot. Huhu tapi yang pastinya, ramai orang kenal die, especially peminat2 novel cintan-cintun islamik ala-ala manja2 anak kucing.

But, seriously I can feel the meaning beyond this quote. Plus, I'm a real diabetic, who continuously injects insulin doses in order to keep being energetic all the time. This quote claims that books as the insulin, and you'll gain 'energy' by reading 'em.

Back to the photo uploaded above, buku tu memang macam insulin yg aku cucuk tiap hari. Aku akan spend 2 kali dlm sehari utk membelek2 lantas membacanya. Oleh sebab buku ni hanya ada 158 pages keseluruhannya, memang sekejap je la aku akan habiskan. 

Cerita berkenaan Harimau Malaya dan sejarahnya selama 40 tahun yang lepas, dalam usaha menjejakkan kaki ke pentas Piala Dunia. Penulis buku ni memang kritis dari segi pemikirannya, dan kreatif dari segi penulisannya. Tak bosan baca aksara demi aksara. Tak boleh nak letak ke tepi bila dah baca. Sampai tahap terlelap sendiri baru la stop membaca, bukak2 mata esok pagi buku dah terlentang kat sebelah. Huhu

Ok, stop kat sini. Skang lunch time, aku nak makan jap, then sambung baca buku ni. Adios!

KEMBALI

5 May 2012 - Taman Pancarona Precint 18, Putrajaya. Renyai-renyai hujan turun.

Hari tu aku akan kembali bertarung dlm perlawanan yg intensif setelah almost 2 tahun tak menyertai pertandingan seperti ni. Pressure. Inter-JPM Volleyball Tournament. Saat melangkah menuju ke gelanggang, masih terbayang kali pertama aku menyertai permainan bola tampar secara di bawah tekanan. It was back then when I was in Form 5. Volleyball tournament Klang District it is. 

Aku boleh buat, aku boleh lompat. Aku boleh, insyaAllah.

Berbekalkan 1 kemenangan, team aku layak ke suku akhir. Di suku akhir, musuh kami adalah APNM. It was the best game ever. Hitting, serving, tapping and many other skills done perfectly. Betul la orang cakap, kalau kita main dengan opponent yang hebat, kita pon akan main hebat. Undeniably, they were good, or I can say it's hard to find their weakness spot. They played well, perfect hitting, smooth setting, good covering..hmm that's a perfect package to win a match.

But we still lack of skill of blocking and covering. In a volleyball game, blocking is the key of stopping the finishing of the opponent. If you are a spiker or a setter in front, and you don't go blocking, just staying in your position while the opponent is gonna hit,  then wait for the smash my friend.

One of my coaches that I've had back then in KISAS. He said, "Kalau taknak block, tunggu jela gigi patah kena bola spike."

Aku peduli? Yela mmg aku peduli. Gile ko, coach ajar tu, so kena la set in mind. Tapi kadang-kadang manusia ni kan pelupa. Lagi2 orang mcm aku ni yg selalu ter'telan' semut dlm air panas, aku terlupa utk block satu bola spike dr musuh yg dtg dari sekolah cina di Klang. 

Aku tunggu je kat tempat aku, tempat spiker belah kanan. Aku tengok setter tu set bola..fuuuhhh smart harom! Aku hanya bermonolog. Di hadapan setter tu sudah bersedia seorang tinggi lampai menanti bola set utk dihidangkan. Lompatnya.....tinggi gile weh! Aku bermonolog sendirian lagi. Di luar sedar, sebenarnya aku terlupa utk block mamat spiker tu. Then, ......

(Please put some sound volleyball menghentam dada badan di sini) ----> Aku lah mangsa hentaman tu! Haha

Aku tak tau nak wat sound effect cmne, tapi yg aku tau yang hentaman tu memang perit. Pedih. Sedak-sedak aku mencuri oksigen untuk bernafas. Aku terbaring............tp kejap jela. Heh

Semua berkerumun padaku. Bertanya keadaan. Tapi sbg seorang pemain bola tampar yg amatur tp macho, aku lebih fokus pada macho. Tambahan lagi, ada ramai penyokong perempuan (melayu cina semua ada) kat area situ sbb ada perlawanan kategori perempuan kat court sebelah. Rasa perit dibuang jauh-jauh. Control control.

Coach tanya, "Ok tak? Boleh main lagi?"

Ape la tanya macam tu, mesti la aku jawab ok. Kawal macho beb. Hoho

Sebenarnya hentaman tu memang sakit beb, tp aku tahan je. Tu la, sapa suruh lupe pesanan coach? But yeah, experience does hurt but the value, it was so priceless..Aku tak pernah lupa utk block lepas tu..Thanks Cikgu Anuar.

YIRUMA

Aku menonton sebuah video di Youtube. Berlatarbelakangkan muzik yang syahdu, it really made me feel..hmm insaf maybe? Or I can say that I don't have much time for everything. I need to reorganize my life so that the priority isn't sidelined.

It's Yiruma. He's actually an outstanding pianist from Korea. He's an artist that, from my vantagepoint, can be grouped with other well-known musicians like Yanni or Kitaro. Yiruma, now you are on my list.

Try to listen to his music, please. While listening, try to flip your life-book backwards, and ask yourself these:

What have you done so far?

Have you treated your parents well? How about your sisters and brothers?

Have you fulfilled your promise to your friends?

Have you spent a little portion of your income to others, especially the needy?

Astaghfirullah..What have I done?

Here we go, my friends..

ULANGTAHUN

Saat aku mencatat entry ni, cukup 24 tahun aku menghirup udara Allah yg tak berbayar ni. Alhamdulillah.

Jam 9.19 pagi, di ofis, meneliti jadual program Tan Sri Nor Mohamed Yakcop. Tan Sri adalah bos besar aku di EPU ni, dan aku perlu tahu aktiviti beliau lebih-lebih lagi bila beliau pulang ke kawasan perlimennya tiap hujung minggu. Minggu ni beliau ke Penang, tapi aku tak follow. Yesss!

Tiba-tiba iPhone aku bergetar, as expected! Hehe

Text dari Ibunda terchenta masuk. (seperti yg tertera kat sebelah). Aku tahu yg mak akan send mesej cmni. Tiba2 aku sebak (Mak aii..feeling lak tetibe kat opis nih). Tak terucap dgn kata-kata, aku terus reply.

" Aku tak pegi Penang minggu ni..TERIMA KASIH utk ucapan hari jadi :) "

Aku agak mak mesti tersenyum senget kat umah tu. Hehe

Aku terus mendail nombor mak dan 'kacau' mak buat keje. Heh. Hati ibu mana yg tak berbunga bila anak menelefon hanya utk mengucapkan terima kasih padanya. 

Selang beberapa ketika, another text message came into my inbox.

Cik Lin, isteri pakcik pertamaku.

" Heppi besday to u..Heppi besday to u..Ni la satu 'benda' yg naik je tp tak turun2..tula umur namenye..wish u heppi always lah..". Senyuman dibibir terukir, senget jugak, mcm mak.

Memang betul ucapan makcik ipar (eh ade ke gelaran ni?) aku tu. Umur manusia mmg akan sentiasa naik dan mustahil nak turun. Tapi di samping menerima kenyataan tu, kita haruslah pandang another flip of a coin. Semakin umur bertambah, semakin kurang masa kita utk hidup di dunia (Ewahh, bunyik dah mcm hipotesis subjek sains darjah 6 la plak)

Tapi betul kan? Dan kita juga harus sedar akan apa yg dah kita lakukan sbg persiapan menghadapi penghujung hari utk kita. Memang kita tak tahu bila masanya akan tiba, tapi sbg peringatan berharga bagi setiap Muslim yg pasti akan mati, wajib utk kita bermuhasabah. Orang ckp, beringat sebelum mati..eh betol ke?

p/s: Family aku keturunan Jawa, jadi panggilan aku-emak adalah norma komunikasi dlm kehidupan kami :) Another million thanks jugak utk yang sudi menyanyikan Happy Birthday song pada tgh-tgh malam buta :p

p/s 2: Jgn bagi aku makan cake! Bagi benda lain!

INSULIN

Jumaat petang, lepas sembahyang Jumaat, around 2.33 ptg, Klinik Kesihatan Putrajaya Precint 9. Berbaju kemeja Seed bersaiz fit; tucked out, berseluar slack hitam, aku menuju masuk ke kaunter pendaftaran tanpa rasa gelisah (sebenarnya 75% hati aku berdegup cemas, nanti aku ceritakan kenapa).


Semasa urusan registration, Akak (aku rasa cam dia tua sket dari aku, so aku gelarkan die akak) Misi yg jaga komputer tu memerhati IC aku, yg tertera muka selebet manusia berusia 22 tahun. Mesti pelik kenapa gambar IC aku masa berumur 22 tahun kan? Sebab tu adalah IC aku yg kedua. Masa balik dari cuti summer tahun kedua aku di US, aku tertinggal IC yg original dulu. So bagi mengelakkan aku dicekup pihak berkuasa tempatan gara-gara dianggap PATI, atau gelaran yg lebih sopan adalah Pendatang Haram, aku buat IC baru.


" En..Naszeri..semalam ada datang kan? " Tanya Akak tu, curious.
" Erk erm..mmg ade, tapi tak sempat nk jumpa doktor. Ada emergency tiba2." Aaargh, aku dah menipu!


Ya, semalam aku ada dtg klinik ni nak ambik ubat Insulin aku yg dah kehabisan stok. Tapi along the way nak jumpe doktor, aku give up. Aku balik rumah. Aku taknak jumpe doktor hari tu sbb aku taw nanti kompem2 aku kena tengking. Aku taw level blood sugar aku tinggi. Aku yakin. Sbb aku tak inject insulin hari tu. Kan aku dah ckp insulin aku abes!


Aku taw aku leh je explain kat doktor excuse yg aku ada ni, tapi aku yakin doktor akan tibai aku dgn mcm2 komen dia. Aku tak nak!


Jadi aku datang balik hari selepasnya. Yakin, sedikit. Sebab aku jaga makan minum aku seharian. Fuuuh!


Senanya aku dah check dulu blood sugar level aku before masuk klinik tu. 13.8. Agak tinggi bg manusia normal, tapi bg aku yg abnormal nih, reading tu dah cukup bagus.


" Ok, encik kena ambik bacaan darah dulu kat bilik kaca sebelah bilik doktor, then kite akan panggil. "
" Thanks ye.." Aku berlalu pantas, taknak terima apa2 lg soalan.


Aku pass kad klinik pada 2 orang another akak Misi dalam bilik kaca tu, cemas. Senanye aku cemas jugak bile nak diambil reading darah. Sakit aku ni pelik sikit, eh pelik banyak. Even aku baru check 13.8, bile2 or tibe2 je sugar level tu leh melambung ikut suke hati die. Sebab tu la aku ckp awal2 tadi, hati aku 75% cemas, 20% tenang, 3% takde perasaan. Eh, mana lagi 2%? Hmm merayau kot. Lantak lah.


Jangan lah tinggi sgt kalau nak melambung pon, aku bermonolog dgn gula dlm darah badan aku.


" Hmm 14.1." Kata misi Anisah (aku lupa nama die, so tibai je nama ni)
Hah! Aku dah agak dah! Suke2 je ko nak naik kan! Marahku pada darah yg tidak mendapat response.


Seorang lg akak misi kt sebelah pandang aku mcm nak makan kepala aku. Siot. Pastu bersuara:


" Ish, tingginya dik! " Double-siot utkmu akak misi!
" Dah lama ke kena kencing manis? "
" 2 tahun setengah. "
" Keturunan ada kencing manis? "
" Takde. Nenek atuk mak ayah, sume sihat."
" Haa ni mesti kuat minum air gas ni. Tak pun suke beno makan coklat kan? "


Aku dah agak dah ade manusia akan cakap mcm tu! 


Satu persepsi dari seorang yg bijak tentang kesihatan yang aku takkan dpt terima sampai bile2, kiamat sekalipun. Sumpah akak ni mesti selalu sakitkan hati orang dgn tak disengajakan, but still, it hurts bro!


" Tak kak, sumpah. Saya pon tak taw nape saya bleh kena. Mungkin dah takdir pankreas sy taknak berfungsi, so kena la. "


Hmm jgn la kau bersuara lg wahai akak misi yg sy hormati. Jgn sampai aku benci orang tak pasal2. Aku tak suke benci orang, sbb aku tak suke org benci aku. Period.


Dah abes catat segala apa yg patut, aku disuruh masuk jumpa doktor.


Sesi bertemu dgn doktor berjalan lancar. Aku mintak Insulin utk tempoh 2 minggu before aku bleh mintak supply dari Hospital Putrajaya, tapi doktor tu perumah. Eh, pemurah. Dia bagi stok utk 1 bulan. Alhamdulillah, tsummalhamdulillah.


Aku melangkah keluar klinik dgn hati tenang selepas ambik ubat kt farmasi.
Menongkah ke langit, aku berdoa.


" Ya Allah, pinjamkanlah aku kesihatan agar aku terus kuat menghadapi hari-hariMu dengan tabah. "




P/s: Bila kita dpt tau manusia lain ditimpa musibah, ucapkanlah Innalillah. Jgn sesuka hati membuat andaian sendiri. Gunakan akal utk berbicara, jadikan hidayah Allah sbg panduan menutur kata.

Addin Shah + Benz Aliff

By the time I create this post, I've done reading this.

Y'know, bukan semua yg berlaku atas muka bumi ni dapat diterjemahkan hikmah di sebaliknya.
Sedih, hancur, patah seribu, dan akhir sekali redha..Perasaan bercampuran bila hatiku cuba menerima hakikat yang pankreas aku gagal berfungsi dengan baik, lantas telah menyebabkan aku ditimpa penyakit Type-1 Diabetis.

3 tahun di benua asing. Aku giat bermain volleyball pada 2 tahun awal. Tahun terakhir, minta maaf teammates sekalian. Aku hanya mampu menjadi pemerhati dari luar kotak court. Tidak dapat membantu menghantar bola setting yang cantik mahupun hit yang tajam. Aku sudah tak mampu.


Aku mula berfikir mencari alternatif ketenangan. Muncul satu kenyataan yang entah dari mane datangnya pun aku tak tahu.

" I'm sad I can't walk because my foot injured..
                      But as I'm wondering around, I saw someone can't walk too..
                                                                                    because he got no foot. "

Aku tersentap. Aku ke yang paling malang atas dunia ni? Setakat ada Diabetis pada umur 22 tahun, cucuk insulin Actrapid and Insulatard 4 kali sehari, dah give-up?

"Tahu tak ada budak berusia 5 tahun dah kena penyakit yang sama? Inject insulin 4 kali sehari kat perut, sama macam kau?"

Oh Allah, I have no idea how You want to teach me a lesson this way. Please lend me Your strength and keep me always in Your path. Amiin.

As the time goes by, I thought that my volleyball-ability has gone, can't be found anymore. Lost.

*

*

*

I graduated.

*

*

I went back to my motherland. Proudly holding a scroll of degree. Mak, this is for you, just for you!


I've been working for a couple of months now. Live my life as a Diabetic young man.

Someday, I dig a volleyball. Aku tak rasa sakit di lengan. Tangan tak merah. Aku rasa gagah!
Aku try jumping, and jumping, and jumping lagi! Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah!

Tanpa disangka, nikmat yang aku rasa dah lenyap dari muka bumi, datang kembali. Aku boleh main volleyball lagi!

Ya Allah, sungguh hanya Kau yang mengerti bagaimana perasaan bila nikmat-Mu ditarik, tapi kemudian dikembalikan. Sumpah aku bersyukur!

Sesungguhnya, manusia tidak sedikitpun mengetahui apakah perancangan yang telah cantik disusun atur oleh yang maha Pencipta.

" Sesungguhnya Allah, hanya pada sisi-Nya sajalah pengetahuan tentang hari Kiamat: dan Dialah yang menurunkan hujan, dan mengetahui apa yang ada dalam rahim. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui (dengan pasti) apa yang akan diusahakannya esok. Dan tiada seorang pun yang dapt mengetahui di bumi mana dia akan mati. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui lagi maha Mengasihi. "

             (Luqman, 34)

Btw, Addin Shah & Benz Aliff tu adalah watak comel dalam novel aA + bB je. Saje buat tajuk post.

Aku rindu bermain bersama Semalu VC. Apa khabar kemajuan anda?